Two Thumbs Up

Your opinion only matters if someone knows what it is.

I was shopping online today, trying to figure out which video to order for my nephew. There were three titles that sounded promising, but I wasn’t sure which one he’d like most. I did it what a lot of people do. I looked at the reviews other people had left.

One title had just a couple of reviews. It obviously hadn’t inspired many people to write about it. I crossed it off the list of options. The other two titles both had several reviews. I read the top and bottom few reviews for both titles. While I think he’d like either video, the descriptions and reviews of one of them seemed to just scream his name. I ordered it. I’m certain he’ll be happy with it when I give it to him.

This got me thinking about reviews on sites such as IMDB, Yelp, or Amazon – places where huge numbers of people leave reviews. I rarely write reviews for these sites. Why not? I certainly use the reviews other people leave. I often use reviews to help me make purchasing decisions. I appreciate it when people take the time to leave a thoughtful review. Shouldn’t I give back in the same way?

The answer was obvious. Of course I should. And so should anyone who uses reviews. Actually, anyone who’s read a book, watched a movie, been to a business, or used a product should write reviews. It’s a quick way to share knowledge, to share experience, to share expertise. It’s a quick way to give something to everyone.

What can you take five minutes to write a review about?

Tell Me a Story

People want to be known. We want to be understood. We want to feel like we’re a part of something. One of the fastest ways to make those connections is through story.

Stories are everywhere. Not just on screen. Not just in books. Not just behind the words Once upon a time . . . . They are all around us. They are part of us. We are part of them.

As children we know this. We look at a tree and know its story (gnomes? fairies? eco-system?). We find an unusual pebble or scrap and create a history. When someone asks what we did last night, we tell it as a story with rich detail and texture. Somewhere along the path to adulthood, though, most people seem to lose this. We forget to look for the stories behind every day phenomena. We answer questions about our day with truncated episodes lacking color. And we don’t even seem to know something’s missing.

Storytelling was once considered an important, even sacred, act. Storytellers were respected. Now storytelling is too often reserved for children’s parties, kindergarten, and summer afternoons in the kiddie section of the library. But we all still crave stories. And you can learn to tell them.

There are lots of types of stories you can tell. You can tell fairy tales and fables. You can tell myths and legends. You can tell stories of people and events in history. You can tell personal histories. You can make up your own stories. If you tell a story that someone else created, make sure you give them credit.

The mechanics of storytelling are basic.

• Know your story’s beginning, middle, climax, and end.
• Use sensory details to bring the story to life – how things feel, taste, smell, and sound, as well as how they look.
• Keep it short and simple, including all that’s necessary to the story while avoiding tangents.
• Make the story your own. Even when telling a story that came from another source, own it. Use your descriptions and perceptions. Use words and language choices that are comfortable for you.
• Don’t worry about mistakes. If you get things out of order, if you leave something out, even if you skip an entire scene, it’s okay. Just keep telling the story. If you absolutely need to include something you’ve skipped, do so, otherwise let it be.

Stories are what connect us to each other. They connect us to our past. They connect us to cultures that seem different from our own. Stories highlight both our uniqueness and our sameness, showing us how we fit into our world. Those who share their stories offer a special gift to everyone who hears them.

What story can you share in just five minutes?

Don't be a stranger

“People are strange when you're a stranger. Faces look ugly when you're alone.” ~ The Doors

There’s truth to the song lyrics above. Fortunately people don’t have to remain strangers. They don’t have to feel alone. And you can be the person to make it so.

How?

Talk to people. Talk to people everywhere. Well, everywhere it’s appropriate. And it’s appropriate in many more places than you might think. It’s appropriate to talk to people while you’re standing in line at the grocery store, bank, or deli. It’s appropriate while waiting on your oil change or doctor. It’s appropriate at the gym. It’s not appropriate if you’re watching a movie or in the stall of a public restroom.

A lot of people are hoping someone will notice them. They want to be acknowledged. They want to know someone thinks they’re special, thinks they’re worth talking to. A lot of people will love it if you strike up a conversation with them. No, not everyone will. You will be rebuffed and rejected. But so what? You’ve lost nothing by trying to start a conversation. More often people will be receptive and you’ll meet interesting people.

There are tricks to starting conversations with strangers. The biggest one is that you have to set your ego aside. If you want to engage someone else, find out about them. Ask them questions. It’s okay to start with innocuous ones – what do they think about the Muzak version of the song that’s playing – or about something that’s going on where you are (shared experience). The more you do it the easier you’ll find it and the more ways of starting a conversation you’ll discover.

Generally, people like to talk about themselves. And a lot of people are starved for opportunities to do so. Ask people about themselves. Show a genuine interest in what they have to say. Listen to their answers and offer thoughtful responses. Show each person that you know they are valuable.

Chances are most conversations will remain just chance encounters that help pass the time and give you a glimpse into someone else’s life. Every now and again, though, one of these conversations will lead to more. You’ll discover a true connection, a spark, and you’ll have made a new friend or business associate.

Will you spend just five minutes today to keep someone from remaining a stranger?

Elevator Speech

If you got on an elevator and met someone you wanted to work with, would you know how to convince them to give you a chance?

The elevator speech is a common tool touted by employment coaches and networking groups. The idea is that if you were in an elevator with someone you wanted to impress, you’d better be able to impress them before they get to their floor. Generally, you should be able to give them your spiel in thirty seconds. It’s a simple idea, but it’s execution can be tricky.

The name is actually a bit of a misnomer, and one of the reasons people have trouble creating a good elevator speech. You see, it isn’t really a speech at all.

If it isn’t a speech, what is it? That’s easy. It’s the start of a conversation.

The first part of your elevator speech tells the other person what you do, something that will intrigue the other person enough that they’ll want to know more. It is not your job title.

“Hi. I'm Tam. I tell stories that help people and businesses.”

Once someone has asked for more information (“How do you do that?”), you need to tell them why they should care what you do, how it relates to them.

“Everyone has a story that connects them to others. Using traditional and social media, I get those stories out there.”

At this point, you’re likely to get another request for more information (“Really? How?”). This is the opening you want. Rather than giving them the details of your business, you leave them with the promise of more. You suggest a meeting.

“I'd love to sit down with you later to discuss it.”

Ask for the other person’s business card. You can offer yours, too. Offer sincere thanks and a handshake (or a hug if that's your thing). Tell them it was nice to meet them and that you hope you can be helpful to one another in the future. After you get home, send them a written thank you note. They'll remember you.

That’s all there is to it. Create an initial statement that describes what you do in such a way that the person you’re talking to wants to know more. When you give them more, give them enough to have a real idea of what you do, but leave them wanting still more. And then ask for the meeting to give them the more that they want.

Do you know what would say to create the opportunity that could change your life?

Listen up!

Listening, really listening, can make a difference.

S- likes to talk. She really likes to talk. She really, really likes to talk. Unfortunately, this sometimes means she talks to the exclusion of listening.

Not long ago S- and a friend went to the park and played golf. The friend drove her home afterward and dropped her off in the parking lot. S- climbed out of the car, closed the door, then leaned through the window to thank her friend and let him know she'd had fun.

After several minutes her friend told her he had to go. He had something else he needed to get to.

"Okay." . . . blah . . . blah . . . blah . . .

Half an hour later she was still leaning through the window. She was still talking. He tried again.

"Great. But I really have to go. Maybe you can finish your story next time we get together."

"Sure. One sec." . . . blah . . . blah . . . blah . . .

It took an hour and a half from the time her friend drove into the parking lot to drop her off until the time S- pulled out of the window and let him drive away. It had the effect of making her friend choose not to hang out with her the next time she asked, and leery of agreeing to hang out with her anytime in the future. And it only happened because she wasn't listening.

There are several reasons people don't listen well. Some of them are:

• Focusing on our own thoughts, ideas, and stories;
• Assuming we know what the other person is saying or thinking;
• Trying to come up with our response before the other person is finished speaking;
• Being too tired, hungry, etc., to give our full attention;
• Coming into a conversation with prejudices or other preconceived notions.

How can you spend just five minutes overcoming your barriers to active listening?

Persephone, hold firm

If something doesn't feel right, even when it's an offer of help, maybe it isn't.

I'm moving tomorrow. A friend drove up from Colorado to help. When he made the offer he told me that he could get a good deal on a moving van and offered to rent one and drive it up here.

I hemmed and hawed. Wouldn't that end up being awfully expensive? Sometimes they charge per mile on top of the rental. He insisted it would be a good deal, but promised to give me prices before he reserved it. When he called me with them, they turned out to be just about the same as what a U-Haul truck would cost to rent. I suggested I just reserve the U-Haul so he wouldn't have to deal with it.

"But how would I get out there, then? Or, if I drive, what would I do with my car."

I had three suggestions: rent a car and drive up, take the bus, fly. He had arguments against each of them. Although I wasn't comfortable with the decision, I eventually agreed to leave the renting of the van to him.

He arrived yesterday. In a cargo van. Not a moving van, a cargo van. For the same price the U-Haul would have been. We've loaded it as full as we can, but there's a lot that won't fit. My vacuum. My shelves. My loveseat. And more. I have to leave them behind.

In the scheme of things, what I'm leaving behind is just stuff. It doesn't matter. But I shouldn't have to leave it. Had I held my ground and told my friend that I was uncomfortable with him renting the moving van, that I wanted to make sure I got the van I wanted, I wouldn't have to leave anything behind. He might have been annoyed, but not for long. I would have had to pay for him to fly out, but I'll end up spending more than that to replace what's being left.

It's my fault, and I'm annoyed with myself.

What can you stand firm on in just five minutes that may save you headaches or expense later?

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

Asking a question or telling someone what you want takes almost no time. And you certainly accomplish it within just five minutes.

When I was 15 I went to Mexico with the Girl Scouts. In order to afford the trip I sold tons of cookies, wrapped packages in the mall, and participated in several other fundraisers. I earned enough money to not only pay for the trip, but to give me a bit to spend while there.

The trip was great. There were five of us who went – two adults and three girls. We spent the first week in Cuernavaca at Our Cabana, one of the Girl Scout World Centers. From there we had day trips to other areas. We visited pyramids. We worked on service projects at a local orphanage. We saw the silver artistry of Taxco, where I bought silver earrings for several of my friends. And we got to know the counselors who worked at Our Cabana.

One morning, after we'd already returned from Taxco, we were at breakfast and I noticed the earrings that one of the counselors wore. They were simple silver drama masks – Comedie on one ear, Tragedie on the other. In my group of friends back home, one of the ways we let someone know that we liked something they had was to ask them to will it to us. So that's what I did.

“Sue, you should leave your earrings to me in your will. They're awesome.”

Sue looked a bit disconcerted and didn't really respond. Sometimes adults acted funny about the idea of their wills, of their death, so I dropped it. I didn't think about it the rest of the week.

On our last day I sat outside with my luggage, waiting for the rest of my group, talking with some of the other girls I'd met during the week. Counselors stopped by to say goodbye and wish us well on the rest of our travels. Sue cae up and did the same. But then she took a step, paused, and stepped back.

“Which one of you was the one who said I should put them in my will?”

I swallowed, knowing I was about to get lectured on the inappropriateness of having done so. I squeaked out the word, “Me.”

“Here.” She handed me the earrings I had liked. “You're not going to get another chance to get back to Taxco, and I go there every couple of weeks. I want you to have them. Have a good trip.” And she walked away.

The girls I was sitting with asked me why she gave them to me. And I heard in their tones and saw in their faces that what they were really asking was why she hadn't given them anything. It was a simple answer – I had asked for them.

I had always heard the proverbs The squeaky wheel gets the oil, and Ask and ye shall receive, but I had never really applied them to my life. I certainly hadn't intended for Sue to give me the earrings I'd admired simply because I'd asked her to. But she did. A five dollar pair of earring – easy enough for her to replace. But a priceless gift and lesson for me.

Something similar happened at work about a week ago. I was asked to stay on the contract for another two months, but I was asked on the day I had planned to give notice at my apartment. I had already begun packing for my move. I had help lined up to help me move from North Dakota to Colorado. I looked at several factors over the weekend, and determined that it didn't make financial or logistical sense for me to stay through November. I would be leaving the first week of October, as planned.

I sent an e-mail to all the pertinent people, letting them know my decision. But, I added, half-joking, if they wanted to let me telecommute from Colorado, I'd be happy to stay on the project. Today – one week after they received that e-mail – the paperwork was signed. That's record time for the federal government. This seems to be an unprecedented situation. And I know that if I hadn't asked, it wouldn't have happened.

How can you let someone know what you want in just five minutes?

Someone Else's Time

Sometimes it's someone else's five minutes that makes a difference in your life.

I'm going to Seth Godin: Live in Minneapolis on Thursday. I'm broke, and about to be unemployed, but he inspires me enough that I know he's worth it. I live 8 hours from Minneapolis, so I'm taking the next three days off. And, although I'm not a fan of driving long distances, I am giddy -- yes, giddy -- about this trip. I am going to a question ad answer session with someone whose advice I respect. Someone whose words and ideas inspire me.

It was actually a blog post of Seth Godin
(and the egging on of Ginger Reader, blogger at BADD)that got me started writing this blog. His post was about how, if you rock for just five minutes a day, you can do extraordinary things.

I have that particular bog post printed out and hanging in my cubicle. Not only does it remind me to have an extraordinary five minutes every day, it reminds me that, when I do something less than extraordinary, it's okay. Not everything has to be fantastic, awesome, spectacular. And that's important to remember.

The (less than) five minutes I spent reading that post have influenced me and others I've shared it with.

What has influenced you in just five minutes?

When you assume, it makes an . . .

We all make assumptions when we communicate. We have to. But sometimes assumptions end up causing more work or lost opportunities.

I live in a booming town. While the rest of the country is experiencing a major recession and fallout from the housing market going belly up, North Dakota has the lowest unemployment in the country. There isn't enough housing in the area to accommodate everyone moving here. Apartment buildings have waitlists that are multiple pages long. New houses and apartment buildings are springing up in every empty lot. Oil companies (oil is the reason for the boom) are actively recruiting, and are paying well.

I give you this background to show that, although this is a small town, there is a huge influx of new blood – people who don't know their way around the area, who don't know where buildings are or what's happening when. I've lived here just over a year (a year and one week, today), so I count myself in the newbie category.

If you've been reading my blog, you know that my job ends in six weeks. As I looked at the paper yesterday I saw that there's a big job fair today. I read through the article. I looked through the special pull-out section. They both told me the same thing: Job Fair at the Badlands Activity Center. Neither told me where the Badlands Activity Center is. Okay. No big deal – shoddy reporting, but I could look it up online.

I thought.

I did find that the BAC is part of the university (in cooperation with the city). And the university had several pages dedicated to the BAC. I learned how to donate money to support it. I learned that it's better landscaped than a local football field. I learned a bit about its history. I found the activity calendar showing the job fair from 9-4 today. I did not find its address.

Next up – Dex.

The badlands Activity Center wasn't listed in the yellow or white pages.

Google maps? Sometimes they show specific locations.

This is where I got lucky. While Google maps didn't have an address for the BAC, someone had uploaded a photo. I zoomed in and found the cross streets. Woot! I can get there.

I should not have had to work so hard to find this information. The people who put together the job fair should have put the address on all of the publicity material. By not spending just five minutes to ensure that their audience could find them, they may well have lost part of that audience. I'm not the only newbie looking for a job. I'm not the only person who doesn't know where “landmarks” are. It's easy to assume other people have the same knowledge that you do. Don't make that mistake.

How can you spend just five minutes to ensure that your assumptions about whomever you're communicating with won't cause either of you problems?