Persephone, hold firm

If something doesn't feel right, even when it's an offer of help, maybe it isn't.

I'm moving tomorrow. A friend drove up from Colorado to help. When he made the offer he told me that he could get a good deal on a moving van and offered to rent one and drive it up here.

I hemmed and hawed. Wouldn't that end up being awfully expensive? Sometimes they charge per mile on top of the rental. He insisted it would be a good deal, but promised to give me prices before he reserved it. When he called me with them, they turned out to be just about the same as what a U-Haul truck would cost to rent. I suggested I just reserve the U-Haul so he wouldn't have to deal with it.

"But how would I get out there, then? Or, if I drive, what would I do with my car."

I had three suggestions: rent a car and drive up, take the bus, fly. He had arguments against each of them. Although I wasn't comfortable with the decision, I eventually agreed to leave the renting of the van to him.

He arrived yesterday. In a cargo van. Not a moving van, a cargo van. For the same price the U-Haul would have been. We've loaded it as full as we can, but there's a lot that won't fit. My vacuum. My shelves. My loveseat. And more. I have to leave them behind.

In the scheme of things, what I'm leaving behind is just stuff. It doesn't matter. But I shouldn't have to leave it. Had I held my ground and told my friend that I was uncomfortable with him renting the moving van, that I wanted to make sure I got the van I wanted, I wouldn't have to leave anything behind. He might have been annoyed, but not for long. I would have had to pay for him to fly out, but I'll end up spending more than that to replace what's being left.

It's my fault, and I'm annoyed with myself.

What can you stand firm on in just five minutes that may save you headaches or expense later?

When you assume, it makes an . . .

We all make assumptions when we communicate. We have to. But sometimes assumptions end up causing more work or lost opportunities.

I live in a booming town. While the rest of the country is experiencing a major recession and fallout from the housing market going belly up, North Dakota has the lowest unemployment in the country. There isn't enough housing in the area to accommodate everyone moving here. Apartment buildings have waitlists that are multiple pages long. New houses and apartment buildings are springing up in every empty lot. Oil companies (oil is the reason for the boom) are actively recruiting, and are paying well.

I give you this background to show that, although this is a small town, there is a huge influx of new blood – people who don't know their way around the area, who don't know where buildings are or what's happening when. I've lived here just over a year (a year and one week, today), so I count myself in the newbie category.

If you've been reading my blog, you know that my job ends in six weeks. As I looked at the paper yesterday I saw that there's a big job fair today. I read through the article. I looked through the special pull-out section. They both told me the same thing: Job Fair at the Badlands Activity Center. Neither told me where the Badlands Activity Center is. Okay. No big deal – shoddy reporting, but I could look it up online.

I thought.

I did find that the BAC is part of the university (in cooperation with the city). And the university had several pages dedicated to the BAC. I learned how to donate money to support it. I learned that it's better landscaped than a local football field. I learned a bit about its history. I found the activity calendar showing the job fair from 9-4 today. I did not find its address.

Next up – Dex.

The badlands Activity Center wasn't listed in the yellow or white pages.

Google maps? Sometimes they show specific locations.

This is where I got lucky. While Google maps didn't have an address for the BAC, someone had uploaded a photo. I zoomed in and found the cross streets. Woot! I can get there.

I should not have had to work so hard to find this information. The people who put together the job fair should have put the address on all of the publicity material. By not spending just five minutes to ensure that their audience could find them, they may well have lost part of that audience. I'm not the only newbie looking for a job. I'm not the only person who doesn't know where “landmarks” are. It's easy to assume other people have the same knowledge that you do. Don't make that mistake.

How can you spend just five minutes to ensure that your assumptions about whomever you're communicating with won't cause either of you problems?