In Defense of . . .

"I'm okay with most people, but that (shudder), that's just . . . It's not right."

Twice in the past week I heard people say this, or something a lot like it. And that was just last week. It's a judgment statement that people make all the time. If the statement referred to something harmful:

I'm okay with most people, but rape/ pedophilia/ beastiality/ murder (shudder), that's just . . . It's not right.

Then I might not have a problem with it. I still wouldn't like the word choice -- condeming the person instead of the action -- but I'd be a lot more okay with it.

Last week, as usual, neither statement was about actions that cause harm to anyone. In fact, they weren't even about actions or lifestyles that would be easily noticable.

Last week, the things that brought about the squeamish comments were gender correction surgeries and furries.

And, as usual, the comments made by the squeamish illustrated how uninformed they were. To be fair, though, one of them asked me questions. The other just made assumptions. Sadly, making assumptions seems to be the more common of the two.

Although the conversations we ended up having in both instances lasted longer than five minutes, it took just five minutes for me to address and refute many of the common misconceptions, stereotypes, and prejudices regarding both gender dysphoria and furries.

Most prejudices stem from ignorance. And much of that ignorance can addressed, on a surface level, in just five minutes. People who hold prejudices will often start to rethink their points of view if someone they know challenges their assumptions. Five minutes may not overcome the prejudice, but it's a start.

What prejudices can you address in just five minutes?

Attitude of Gratitude

When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude. - G.K. Chesterton

I admit that I get discouraged sometimes. I'm not discouraged right now, though some people would say I have plenty of reasons to be.

A large part of why I'm not discouraged right now is attitude. (and, no, my attitude isn't always positive -- but I try to make it so) A conscious thinking about the good that comes from what could be seen as a bad situation. And there's always good. A conscious decision to be grateful. And there is always something to be thankful for.

Potential Problem
I live in a town where the natives, while friendly, don't seem interested in becoming friends.

Another Way of Looking at It
I am reminded everyday at how strong and independent I am. Whether it's being able to take care of myself when I'm sick, hanging pictures, or going hiking.

I am reminded how important my friends and family are to me. Even when they drive me nuts, I love them.

I am encouraged to help make it easier for other people who move here and have no one, and reminded to do this even if I'm surrounded by my friends.

Potential Problem
My job -- what I moved here for -- is almost done, and I haven't found a new one yet. I've sent out tons of resumes.

Another Way of Looking at It
If I don't find a job by the time this one ends, I will have the time to start the publishing business I've been thinking about. I will have the time to work on my roadtrip across America project. I've got them both sketched out, I just need the time to implement them.

Potential Problem
My laptop caught a virus and died. Because of this I have not done nearly as much writing while here as I had planned.

Another Way of Looking at It
I have taken time to revisit printouts of things I wrote before I moved here. I rediscovered pieces I had forgotten about. I've revised a lot of these works, making them stronger, tighter, better.

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It takes just five minutes to think about what good could come (or has come) from a difficulty in your life. Just five minutes to change your way of looking at a problem so that you can see the positive it adds to your life.

What are you thankful for?

Alternate Reality

Just five minutes can make a difference in the way you see things.

You know that feeling of suddenly being someone else for just a moment (or maybe several moments)? The one that comes when you make a certain expression with your face, or you phrase something just so, or something. It's not always clear what causes it, but you're going along, minding your own business, and BAM, you're experiencing an alternate reality.

It happened to me earlier today. I was walking down the freshly painted halls of my apartment building, just going to move my laundry from the washers to the dryer, when I suddenly had the sense I was experiencing the world the way J- does.

Part of me was aware enough to pull back and try to figure out why. It certainly wasn't the setting. Although the walls are freshly painted, the carpet is old, stained, ugly. Not J-'s thing at all. And she wouldn't be doing her own laundry, so that wasn't it. I rethought my expressions, my thoughts, my movements… and there it was. It was my stride, the way I was carrying myself. It felt like hers. Strong, confident, sexy.

I tried to hold onto that feeling of living, however momentarily, someone else's life. That feeling of having someone else's world view. I always try to hold onto that when it happens.

Yes, I know although I feel I've stepped into someone's reality, what I'm experiencing isn't likely to be what they experience. Still, it is different from the way I experience things. It opens me to a different way of viewing the world, of experiencing the moments around me. It shifts my perspective, my paradigm. Sometimes uncomfortably so--like when I see how alone and adrift someone feels. Sometimes in a way that I want to embrace and make mine--like the confidence I felt as I channeled J- this afternoon. But whether uncomfortable or empowering, it always gives me something.

What difference could you make in your life if you spend just five minutes looking at things from someone else's point of view?