Be It Resolved . . .

Resolutions for a new year or any time

It’s a tradition some people hate and others embrace – the creation of resolutions for the new year. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. In fact, creating resolutions can be a healthy and helpful way of improving your life. They don’t have to be made just at New Years, either.

There are three main problems that I see people encountering with their resolutions

1. scale
2. intention
3. belief

Let’s look at scale.

A lot of people seem to think that a resolution is no good unless it’s big. And sometimes that means too big. Someone who’s $10,000 in debt might make the resolution to get out of debt before the end of the year, but that’s setting themselves up for failure. By resolving, instead, to pay down their debt and not incur any new debt, they stand a much better chance of meeting their resolve.

What do I mean by intention?

The way a resolution is worded is important. When a person who’s overweight resolves to lose 50 pounds, they’re likely to get discouraged if they skip a day at the gym. And sometimes that discouragement is enough to make them lose their resolve altogether. If, however, they resolve to work on creating a healthier lifestyle, then skipping a day at the gym isn’t going to be seen as a failure. By going to the gym they’ve already met their resolution. They’ll only fail if they continue skipping days.

Finally, there’s a person’s belief about their resolution.

This is exactly what it sounds like. Many resolutions seem to be made without the belief that they’ll be met. Perhaps they’re only made because someone feels they’re “supposed” to make a resolution. Perhaps because they want to reach the stated goal. Whatever the reason behind it, if someone doesn’t believe in the resolution they make, chances are they won’t follow through.

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Resolutions are a good way to set yourself on the path to a goal. People who state their goals, especially in writing, are much more likely to attain them than those who simply have a distant goal in mind. But don’t cripple yourself by creating resolutions that are destined to fail. Create realistic, attainable goals, and you’ll find yourself reaching them.

What resolutions will you make for the coming year?

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is in two days. Take five minutes to remember why it’s celebrated.

Not the controversies. Not the turkey. Not the stress. Not Columbus, Pilgrims, or Indians. No, we celebrate Thanksgiving to remember the help that one group of people gave to another. Strangers helping strangers through a harsh winter in an unfamiliar land. Take five minutes to remember.

When the Pilgrims came to this continent they were woefully unprepared. They knew nothing about agriculture here. They were unfamiliar with the soil and crops. They were unfamiliar with the growing season and climate. The crops they planted failed. They were facing starvation.

The Wampanoag Indians had no such problems. They knew the land. They knew the crops. They knew how to grow them. They had an abundance of food and shared with the Pilgrims throughout the winter.

Although their crops had failed, accounts show that the Pilgrims had a harvest feast that year (1621). They invited Wampanoag sachem (chief), Massasoit. Massasoit brought many of his people and most of the food, including five deer. There were nearly 100 Wampanoag and approximately 50 Pilgrims who shared that harvest feast – allies who offered each other help and protection.

Later years brought pain, sorrow, and enmity to the relationships between the European settlers and Native Americans, but don’t let that sully the unselfish acts for which we give thanks.

What can you take five minutes to be thankful for?

That's Smokin'!

Sometimes quitting is exactly the right thing to do.

It may seem unlikely, but if you’re one of the many people who are trying to quit smoking, there are actually two ways you can spend just five minutes to help you out.

1. Five minutes of exercise

That’s right. Not only can just five minutes of exercise keep the doctor at bay, but it seems to help people quit smoking, too. And helps them quit smoking without the commonly associated weight gain.

Dr. Adrian Taylor (University of Exeter) was the lead scientist in a team that reviewed findings from multiple studies on the link between smoking cessation and exercise. What they found was that just five minutes of exercise quickly and drastically cut cigarette cravings and helped reduce withdrawal symptoms for up to 50 minutes. One of the most interesting reports from Dr. Taylor’s team was the finding that just five minutes of exercise was as effective at curbing cravings and symptoms as a nicotine patch.

2. Focus on something else

Cigarette craving are often the downfall of the person who’s trying to quit. The craving comes on strong and feels as though it will never end unless you appease it with a quick drag.

The truth is, most cravings fade away somewhere between 90-seconds and five minutes.

It isn’t easy, but you can conquer five minutes. You can overcome that craving. Find something to take your mind away from the craving. Listen to a song. Read a blog post. make a phone call. Exercise. Find something to do for five minutes, and you'll find you can get through the craving.

Once you’ve pushed through once you’ll know you can do it again. Once you’ve pushed through several times, you’ll know you have the willpower to never smoke again. You’ll have successfully quit.

Have you wanted to quit smoking? Take just five minutes to start stopping today.

What's the meaning of this?

"I hate my job. I can't wait till I retire so I can do something meaningful. Something that helps people."

I've worked with a lot of different people in a lot of different jobs, and this is something I hear over and over.

Sad, isn't it? To think that we can't do anything meaningful without having a lot of time. Yet there are billions of people who believe it. (Based on anecdotal evidence — I'd say more than half the people I've talked to believe it.)

It's a faulty belief. Sure, if you really believe it, it's true. You make it true. But it's an easy enough belief to challenge. An easy enough belief to change. And beliefs that are easy to change are rare.

Here's what you do:

Sometime over the next day, do something nice for a stranger.

It could be paying the toll for the person behind you. Helping someone carry their groceries to the car. Offering a sincere compliment.

Save the emotional experience. Write down how you feel.

This should be done as soon as possible, so the emotional response is still strong. Are you happy? Proud? Connected? You don't need to use a lot of words — just enough to tell you how you feel. After you write the emotions, briefly write down what you did.

Read it —out loud — to yourself.

What would it be like if you felt this way on a daily basis? If you spent just five minutes doing something nice for someone else, and reflecting on how it makes you feel?

Rinse and repeat.

Do this again every day for a week. Then for a month. A year. A lifetime. You may not choose to write down your emotions every day, but you can still savor them.

It's that easy. Spend just five minutes helping someone else in some small and unexpected way, and you can change your life.

What can you do to add meaning to your life in just five minutes?

Someone Else's Time

Sometimes it's someone else's five minutes that makes a difference in your life.

I'm going to Seth Godin: Live in Minneapolis on Thursday. I'm broke, and about to be unemployed, but he inspires me enough that I know he's worth it. I live 8 hours from Minneapolis, so I'm taking the next three days off. And, although I'm not a fan of driving long distances, I am giddy -- yes, giddy -- about this trip. I am going to a question ad answer session with someone whose advice I respect. Someone whose words and ideas inspire me.

It was actually a blog post of Seth Godin
(and the egging on of Ginger Reader, blogger at BADD)that got me started writing this blog. His post was about how, if you rock for just five minutes a day, you can do extraordinary things.

I have that particular bog post printed out and hanging in my cubicle. Not only does it remind me to have an extraordinary five minutes every day, it reminds me that, when I do something less than extraordinary, it's okay. Not everything has to be fantastic, awesome, spectacular. And that's important to remember.

The (less than) five minutes I spent reading that post have influenced me and others I've shared it with.

What has influenced you in just five minutes?

In Defense of . . .

"I'm okay with most people, but that (shudder), that's just . . . It's not right."

Twice in the past week I heard people say this, or something a lot like it. And that was just last week. It's a judgment statement that people make all the time. If the statement referred to something harmful:

I'm okay with most people, but rape/ pedophilia/ beastiality/ murder (shudder), that's just . . . It's not right.

Then I might not have a problem with it. I still wouldn't like the word choice -- condeming the person instead of the action -- but I'd be a lot more okay with it.

Last week, as usual, neither statement was about actions that cause harm to anyone. In fact, they weren't even about actions or lifestyles that would be easily noticable.

Last week, the things that brought about the squeamish comments were gender correction surgeries and furries.

And, as usual, the comments made by the squeamish illustrated how uninformed they were. To be fair, though, one of them asked me questions. The other just made assumptions. Sadly, making assumptions seems to be the more common of the two.

Although the conversations we ended up having in both instances lasted longer than five minutes, it took just five minutes for me to address and refute many of the common misconceptions, stereotypes, and prejudices regarding both gender dysphoria and furries.

Most prejudices stem from ignorance. And much of that ignorance can addressed, on a surface level, in just five minutes. People who hold prejudices will often start to rethink their points of view if someone they know challenges their assumptions. Five minutes may not overcome the prejudice, but it's a start.

What prejudices can you address in just five minutes?

Destiny Has Torn Us Asunder

Destinies can change in just five minutes

The boss called the team into the conference room. "One of you is getting laid off. You guys decide who."

I wasn't there, but I can imagine the wide-eyed terror that comes from being blindsided. The heat of anger at being left to make this decision. The rock in the stomach from wondering if one of your coworkers is going to tear you down in order to build themselves up. The awful, terrible unknowing.

My friend, single and childless, volunteered to take the hit.

For my friend, this decision had to hurt, but would it have hurt more if he'd stayed knowing that one of his coworkers was now out of a job? He doesn't know what's next for him, but it's a different path than he saw just a month ago. He's free to return to school, work overseas, find another position in his field, or pursue another career entirely. And I'm sure there are dozens of other options that are now open to him that he wouldn't have seen had he stayed where he was.

It isn't just his destiny that he affected. By sacrificing himself, my friend spared his coworkers.

I don't know them. I don't know their lives. But I do know that money problems is one of the top relationship killers. I know that the stress of unemployment can cause fathers and husbands, mothers and wives to act out against their kids or spouses, or retreat within themselves. Whether anything like that would have happened, we'll never know. My friend spared them the stress of being laid off.. He affected their destinies by letting them remain on their current paths.

What choices have you made that changed peoples destinies?

note: As of this post my friend still hasn't been told whether or not they're actually going to lay him off. He's in limbo, waiting to find out.