Tuesday, September 28, 2010

What's the meaning of this?

"I hate my job. I can't wait till I retire so I can do something meaningful. Something that helps people."

I've worked with a lot of different people in a lot of different jobs, and this is something I hear over and over.

Sad, isn't it? To think that we can't do anything meaningful without having a lot of time. Yet there are billions of people who believe it. (Based on anecdotal evidence — I'd say more than half the people I've talked to believe it.)

It's a faulty belief. Sure, if you really believe it, it's true. You make it true. But it's an easy enough belief to challenge. An easy enough belief to change. And beliefs that are easy to change are rare.

Here's what you do:

Sometime over the next day, do something nice for a stranger.
It could be paying the toll for the person behind you. Helping someone carry their groceries to the car. Offering a sincere compliment.
Save the emotional experience. Write down how you feel.
This should be done as soon as possible, so the emotional response is still strong. Are you happy? Proud? Connected? You don't need to use a lot of words — just enough to tell you how you feel. After you write the emotions, briefly write down what you did.
Read it —out loud — to yourself.
What would it be like if you felt this way on a daily basis? If you spent just five minutes doing something nice for someone else, and reflecting on how it makes you feel?
Rinse and repeat.
Do this again every day for a week. Then for a month. A year. A lifetime. You may not choose to write down your emotions every day, but you can still savor them.

It's that easy. Spend just five minutes helping someone else in some small and unexpected way, and you can change your life.

What can you do to add meaning to your life in just five minutes?

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

Asking a question or telling someone what you want takes almost no time. And you certainly accomplish it within just five minutes.

When I was 15 I went to Mexico with the Girl Scouts. In order to afford the trip I sold tons of cookies, wrapped packages in the mall, and participated in several other fundraisers. I earned enough money to not only pay for the trip, but to give me a bit to spend while there.

The trip was great. There were five of us who went – two adults and three girls. We spent the first week in Cuernavaca at Our Cabana, one of the Girl Scout World Centers. From there we had day trips to other areas. We visited pyramids. We worked on service projects at a local orphanage. We saw the silver artistry of Taxco, where I bought silver earrings for several of my friends. And we got to know the counselors who worked at Our Cabana.

One morning, after we'd already returned from Taxco, we were at breakfast and I noticed the earrings that one of the counselors wore. They were simple silver drama masks – Comedie on one ear, Tragedie on the other. In my group of friends back home, one of the ways we let someone know that we liked something they had was to ask them to will it to us. So that's what I did.

“Sue, you should leave your earrings to me in your will. They're awesome.”

Sue looked a bit disconcerted and didn't really respond. Sometimes adults acted funny about the idea of their wills, of their death, so I dropped it. I didn't think about it the rest of the week.

On our last day I sat outside with my luggage, waiting for the rest of my group, talking with some of the other girls I'd met during the week. Counselors stopped by to say goodbye and wish us well on the rest of our travels. Sue cae up and did the same. But then she took a step, paused, and stepped back.

“Which one of you was the one who said I should put them in my will?”

I swallowed, knowing I was about to get lectured on the inappropriateness of having done so. I squeaked out the word, “Me.”

“Here.” She handed me the earrings I had liked. “You're not going to get another chance to get back to Taxco, and I go there every couple of weeks. I want you to have them. Have a good trip.” And she walked away.

The girls I was sitting with asked me why she gave them to me. And I heard in their tones and saw in their faces that what they were really asking was why she hadn't given them anything. It was a simple answer – I had asked for them.

I had always heard the proverbs The squeaky wheel gets the oil, and Ask and ye shall receive, but I had never really applied them to my life. I certainly hadn't intended for Sue to give me the earrings I'd admired simply because I'd asked her to. But she did. A five dollar pair of earring – easy enough for her to replace. But a priceless gift and lesson for me.

Something similar happened at work about a week ago. I was asked to stay on the contract for another two months, but I was asked on the day I had planned to give notice at my apartment. I had already begun packing for my move. I had help lined up to help me move from North Dakota to Colorado. I looked at several factors over the weekend, and determined that it didn't make financial or logistical sense for me to stay through November. I would be leaving the first week of October, as planned.

I sent an e-mail to all the pertinent people, letting them know my decision. But, I added, half-joking, if they wanted to let me telecommute from Colorado, I'd be happy to stay on the project. Today – one week after they received that e-mail – the paperwork was signed. That's record time for the federal government. This seems to be an unprecedented situation. And I know that if I hadn't asked, it wouldn't have happened.

How can you let someone know what you want in just five minutes?